Brains and Driving: Insights from Mr. Murphy

In middle school, I yearned for the freedom that driving would allow me. I was so eager that my dad took me to an empty parking lot when I was 14 to give me a feel of how the gas and the brake worked (sorry Dad, but I think the statute of limitations has passed and I can admit this now). 

We were a family of three driving teenagers by the time I turned 16, so we had five cars to be able to travel to and from all the jobs, activities, and classes that we had to attend. All of this is to say that I had a no-good, terrible car—a 1981 Toyota Corolla. I loved it. 

To drive it, though, I had to learn to drive manually. There is something powerful and gratifying about taking an already complex and dangerous thing like driving and making it more complex and dangerous. This is a middle school, so I am using this metaphor a bit prematurely (maybe causing you some undue stress), but I think of that time often when I talk to our boys and their families about their development. 

Adolescence, in particular, is characterized by a whirlwind of complex changes within the brain. It’s a time of remarkable growth and reorganization. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and complex thinking, undergoes significant development during these years. This development shapes your child’s ability to plan, reason, and control impulses. This ability to execute tasks and solve problems, broadly speaking, is referred to as executive functioning.

We make no secret of the fact that the adolescent brain is in the process of preparing our guys for their future selves and it can be messy. However, there are principles and ideas that we can use to untangle the mess a bit for ourselves and help with executive functioning skills:

1. Start with the basics:
Before getting behind the wheel, my parents made sure I knew how all of the parts of the car worked. We reviewed the pedal order, where each gear was, and the general rules of the road before I even got in the driver’s seat. Supporting executive function development starts with establishing a foundation of fundamental skills such as organization, time management, and goal-setting.

Similar to the capacity for acquiring a language, our neural connections and abilities are innate, yet through biological and environmental influences, our brains establish and develop connections to understand and interpret our environment. Your son needs help learning these skills. While some skills will develop through incidental learning, others will need support. 

2. Practice and repetition:
Becoming proficient in driving a stick shift requires technical know-how, but also a practiced touch. You can intellectualize the process all you want, but without the experience of feeling how far to depress the clutch, or the difference between 2nd and 4th gear in the gearbox, you’re probably going to stall out in a few places. 

By giving our kids time to practice, we are laying the groundwork for myelination in their brains, making those pathways the fastest and most efficient for their developing young minds. 

3. Encourage independence:
In Virginia, at the time I was learning to drive, one could get a learner’s permit at 15 years old. I had a year of practice with an adult driver before I could venture on my own. Even with my license, at first, my trips were limited to a certain mileage as my parents grew to trust my ability to drive on my own. 

By setting boundaries for our boys, and letting them live freely within those limits, we can empower them to trust themselves and appease their growing need for control and independence. Ultimately, this is the outcome we want for our boys and they want for themselves. Keeping that shared goal in mind can help guide conversations about opportunities to demonstrate mastery and control. 

4. Learn to adapt to change:
Driving in a parking lot or through the neighborhood is a very different experience than driving through the Springfield Interstate Exchange. This, of course, was made more challenging because I was pushing a 1981 Corolla to speeds it was not meant for. Along the way in my driving journey, I had to make thousands of small decisions and mitigate stress and danger myself. Before I was allowed to venture so far on my own, though, I was stress-tested and was expected to work things out on my own.

As a part of our gradual release of responsibility, we have to trust that the same skills that a boy shows in mitigating stress or danger can be applied in other situations. So much of this comes down to trust and belief in their developmental level and capacity. When successful, though, the motivations for our young adolescents to continue to be successful will be huge.

5. Mindfulness and focus: 
One of the best lessons I learned before getting behind the wheel was that as a driver, I had to be aware of every car around me, not just the one in front. This focus and attention meant that I could anticipate changes in speed or direction, know when to downshift or maneuver around an obstacle, or hold off from changing lanes. 

We teach our boys to be aware of and name the emotions they feel, identify distractors, learn how to direct their focus, and reflect on how this all affects their actions.

To stretch this metaphor a bit more—sometimes there is traffic. Actually, you know what, there is going to be a lot of traffic! As our kids develop, we’re going to have to adjust. At times we’ll need to give a little gas, lots of gas, little brake, or full brake. Some kids will have to learn how to drive stick. Others may never encounter an obstacle. And so, our systems of support may not look the same. We have to see the individual in front of us and react to their specific needs, goals, and strategies. It takes a lot of patience, some luck, and a ton of trust. At its simplest, we need to create an environment where risk-taking, opinion-sharing, question-asking, and mistake-making are all ok and a part of the process of growing up.